Dennis Miller has a piece on the Wall Street Journal Op/Ed page today about Jerry Springer's senatorial aspirations. It's quite funny; here's a taste:
It's no secret that the gene pool, in addition to being a tad brackish as of late, is also so shallow now there doesn't even need to be a lifeguard on duty. Springer has stood astride that pool like a latter day Colossus Ignoramus of Rhodes for well over a decade now.Here's the link. Unfortunately, the Journal's Op/Ed page is a subscription page. Fortunately, I think the Journal owes me a little something for my years of loyal readership. As such, there might be a little something for you in the extended entry. You know, if you wanted to maybe see what Dennis had to say? Nudge nudge …Now that's not to say I don't periodically find the "The Jerry Springer Show" intellectually stimulating. Indeed, how many times have I been walking through the parking lot of a laundromat and seen two obese women in halter tops slap fighting and thought, "Wow . . . I wonder what the back story is on that?"
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!Posted by Avocare at July 16, 2003 10:14 PM | TrackBackBy DENNIS MILLER
Well, Jerry Springer is mulling over a run for the Senate and John Adams is no doubt spinning in his grave so furiously that if we could just hook up a turbine power cable to his headstone we would probably solve all our energy woes.
It's no secret that the gene pool, in addition to being a tad brackish as of late, is also so shallow now there doesn't even need to be a lifeguard on duty. Springer has stood astride that pool like a latter day Colossus Ignoramus of Rhodes for well over a decade now.
Now that's not to say I don't periodically find the "The Jerry Springer Show" intellectually stimulating. Indeed, how many times have I been walking through the parking lot of a laundromat and seen two obese women in halter tops slap fighting and thought, "Wow . . . I wonder what the back story is on that?"
But at this point, Springer would have to hire a team of sherpas to assist him on the long trek back up to the lowest common denominator. As a matter of fact, the last time I was channel surfing and stopped on the Springer show my channel flicker filed a restraining order against me.
The Pied Piper of Bottom Feeders, Ringmaster of the Cirque de Salieri and now he's set his sights on Congress. Just think of it as Mr. Registers-At-Hourly-Rates-Hotels-Under-The-Name Smith Goes To Washington.
Well, one thing's for sure. Capitol Hill hasn't seen bouncers this big since the members of the House were kiting all that bad paper during the banking scandal of '92.
But is Jerry's pluck at the Grail really that aberrant a notion? His talk-show experience will at least allow him to co-mingle easily with his fellow Senators, yet another studio audience of preening narcissists voracious for their 15 minutes but in truth needing an intermission to fill the time.
It's not like I think the Senate is a hallowed chamber where you have to be particularly smart to get in. To me, Congress is just a place where we send ofttimes mediocre men and women to be Earl Scheibed into looking kinda, sorta, vaguely consequential.
There's also a geographical track record to consider here. The good citizens of Ohio in the past have seen fit to elect Jim Traficant to Congress and trust me, Traficant makes Springer look like Hammurabi.
So I'm torn. I can't decide if Springer is underqualified or overqualified. But here's My Final Thought. One thing I do like about Springer is that he always manages to convey that he's a wee bit sheepish about it all. Not sheepish enough to resist cashing the checks mind you, but just enough to let you know that he'd like to settle up his societal karma deficit as he heads into the denouement of what has heretofore been a reasonably idiotic life.
Additionally, maybe if we one day glimpse C-Span and see Jerry Springer actually being sworn into the United States Senate it will shock us -- like Charlton Heston in "Planet of the Apes" looking up and seeing the chimp on top of the pony -- and trigger some much needed electoral reform. Say, an IQ Quizometer on the door of the voting booth where you have to get seven out of 10 current-events questions right before you're allowed in to cast your ballot. All right, settle down liberals. Make that 4 out of 10.
Well, I have to go now. I'm cutting the ribbon this afternoon at the newly erected Morton Downey Jr. Memorial and Secretary of the Interior Wally George is picking me up in 15 minutes. "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"